The Woman Who Went to Bed for a Year by Sue Townsend

After her gifted children left for the uni, Eva closed the door of her house, decided to take a nap… and didn’t leave bed for an entire year. She was confident that she wouldn’t be bored since there were so many things to think about: does God exist, was she ever happy with her husband, why are her twins strange, do elephants sweat, could the human body dispose of waste in a more cultured manner… And, oh, boy, she really didn’t have the time for boredom.

Naturally, her husband, mother, mother-in-law, and neighbors don’t understand what is wrong with her and grumble because of all the things they now have to do instead of her.

Although confined to her room, Eva finds out things that others were suppressing and hiding for years as well as things she was swallowing while lying to herself. Interestingly, she will meet more people in her room than while she was leading an active social life. The beautiful fifty-year-old librarian who can’t explain why she can’t leave her bed will attract lots of unwanted attention.

Of course, her unimaginative husband, Brian, is bewildered by Eva’s strange behavior. However, he is much more concerned about his wellbeing and the complexity of all those mundane tasks every household requires. Doctor Beaver, an astronomer ‒ not an astrologist, as he has to repeat to his uneducated mother-in-law, who strangely understands the science behind a washing machine unlike him ‒ deals with the situation as best as he can, revealing fragments of the unpleasant truth about their marriage along the way. Their autistic genius twins, Brianne and Brian Junior, try to mind their own business at the university. The children’s reaction to their mother’s condition is unexpected, to say the least.

Is Eva selfish and behaving like a spoiled brat since she expects her old mother and mother-in-law to run up and down the stairs to bring her food, change the sheets, do the washing… instead of enjoying old age in the peace of their homes? Of course she is. But she can’t help it. Eva wants to stop being a nuisance and to behave normally, yet she just can’t. And that is heartbreakingly depressing. Eva’s entire life is heartbreakingly depressing. And maybe everyone’s life is heartbreakingly depressingly.

The Woman Who Went to Bed for a Year by Sue Townsend is so hilarious that you will laugh aloud and wish to retell parts to friends who haven’t read the book. However, the crazy situations that remind me of Commedia All’italiana movies are actually the backdrop of a tragic family story, which in turn reveals just how tragic modern society can be. Despite the overwhelming sadness surrounding literally every character in this book, Townsend managed to keep it light and charming. Her ability to present such tragedies in a crazy, funny manner makes you think about this book – and about your life, hope you won’t be tempted to stay in bed! – long after closing the last page.

I think that the book should have gotten one more round of serious editing. A few chapters are muddled, the ending is rushed and the story feels slightly incomplete, but despite that, I am glad that I read it. Even with the small faults, every book that makes you think is good.

One word from the book that stays with you: Kindness

The perfect beverage to sip while reading this book: Lemon balm tea

This book’s best musical buddy: Why Does My Heart Feel so Bad by Moby

Author Interview: Tom James

Tell us something about your book.

It’s part love letter to being child-free, but it’s largely concerned with my belief that society is child-obsessed. That parents come first in the social strata, that somehow popping a child out (or even less in the male’s case) elevates you to a position of wisdom. It questions some of the morals and ethics around people’s choices and beliefs when it comes to parenthood, children, and so on. From the belief that they’re all special (which by definition they can’t be) to the moral ambiguity of the surrogacy. Despite all that, it is also intended to make the reader laugh, to say things about kids and parents that nearly all parents and non-parents have thought at some point. And to say it. 

Who is the ideal reader for your book?

I’ve had reviews from parents and child-free, with different perspectives, but both enjoying it. I would say someone who comes with an open mind, a sense of humour, and who has ever had the thought, this party would be better without kids…

Share the best critique/review of your book.

Yours is one of my favourites, so thank you.

I particularly like this one though: “This witty and erudite book grabs you fast and never let’s go of with its assailing, lyrical punches and jabs. If you’re in doubt, chapter one quotes Aristotle and mentions papooses.

YCAB is not so much about the kids, but those virtue signalling parents who somehow think they have the best little Algernons and Agnethas. Far from being a book that sensible parents should avoid; it should be one they wave in the face of such needy behaviour on a tram in Sheffield probably. I for one will be leaving copies at baby hula, dad’s club, and every school drop off probably. Well done, Tom James, parenting done right has a new and extremely well read champion.”

What inspired you to write it?

It was a few things, a culmination. I’m child-free, a godparent, and all my friends have kids. I live in a part of the world that is one of those ‘nappy valleys’ and full of Mums who lunch. So I am surrounded by material. I think it was bubbling underneath for a while, but it was a single incident that inspired me to finally put pen to paper, when my ex-girlfriend and I were regularly asked when we would have kids, when we suggested it wasn’t something we wanted to do, we were met with disbelief. I realised how that assumption plays out, and particularly how it is disproportionately so for women. And how the sense of entitlement etc. exists in society now. So I thought I’d look into this…and there was no going back!

What message would you like readers to take away from your book?

That selfish people become parents too.   

Share an excerpt from your book.

(How about a short one about parents taking over pubs and bars)

‘You’re ruining pubs like you ruined football and the cinema, colonising it like the most boring invading army in history, armed with iPhones and Kleenex.’

Did you dare to believe that your book will be published when you started writing?

Good lord, no. Publishing it very pro-parent, plus I veer into some ‘difficult’ subjects.

How many times were you rejected?

So many. Quite a few nice ones, but still…

Was the process of looking for an agent/publisher discouraging?

Yes, but I think I was prepared for that. You have to be.

How long did you write the first draft? And how long did the editing and re-editing take?

It’s a short book, but even then, first draft took about 6-9 months. Editing was tortuous. I rarely stopped. I had a bunch of help too, thank God.

Can you share your writing rituals/habits/process?

They are terrible. I try and keep time aside, but I write in spurts, and I do all the wrong things. I am no role model. I always recommend people read On Writing by Stephen King, and trust that all the cliches are true. To write even when you don’t feel like it or it’s crap. I write smaller pieces on Medium if to test my thinking and my prose too, that’s been useful. Allowed me to take breathers but keep writing.

Who was your first literary crush?

If you mean character, possibly a heterosexual crush for the terrible cad Flashman in the George MacDonald Fraser books. As for author, I somewhat worship Dave Eggers, and Lionel Shriver, and I’m pretty sure I would have just been mouth agape if I met Christopher Hitchens. 

Did you imagine yourself as an author in your teens?

I think so, well, a journalist. Which is what I was by trade for some time.

What was the first book that made you fall in love with reading?

The Hobbit.

Did a book ever make you cry? (Which one?)

I think A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius did. A few times.

Which literary character did you want to take to bed as an 18-year-old?

At that age? I suspect Silk Spectre from Watchmen.

Do you sing under the shower? Or to your plants?

I definitely sing in the shower. I do not sing to my plants, though I started chatting to a bird in my garden the other day, so I suspect my neighbours think I’m mental now. Hooray!

Do you like to cook? What is your specialty?

Yeah. I do a mean vegan penne with (vegan) sausage meat, white wine sauce, herbs, and so on.

Do you have a pet?

I have two cats (Spook and Shiner) who are rescues and are the main reason I moved out of London (so I could give them a garden). I would have dogs, tapirs, and anything else if I had more room and time.

What is the most romantic thing you ever did?

I’m an incurable romantic I think. I drove 200 miles one day to spend an hour with my girlfriend at the time who was feeling a bit low, and then drove back home the same day. Don’t know if that’s romantic or deranged…

What is the most romantic thing someone did for you?

I’ve been given some really thoughtful gifts and gestures, but one birthday I was taken to a zoo to spend time laying with and feeding some tapirs (they’re my favourite animal). It was beautiful.

Do you believe in love?

Absolutely. Life’s so much less without it.

Here’s me on social and what have you:

Website https://www.tomjameswriting.com/

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/instatomjames/

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/yourchildrenareboring/

Twitter https://twitter.com/tomjayauthor

Medium  https://tomjames1.medium.com/

The book https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1712629972/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_U_aFJwEb60ZJTRZ

Author Interview: Madilynn Dale

Tell us something about your book.

Releasing Her Power Within is the first book in the Fae Shifters series. It follows Liz as she takes a leap of faith to change up her life. She is tired of being overworked and has struggled with her mother’s death. She moves into her family’s cabin to pursue this change of pace and discovers a massive family secret that may cost her life. She wanted a peaceful and slow-paced life after the move but is thrust into a brand new world of magic she had no idea existed. 

Liz is a strong female character, and in this story, she also meets someone she discovers is her mate. He balances her out, and they tackle everything this new life throws at them together. 

Who is the ideal reader for your book?

The ideal reader is someone who loves fantasy with a bit of romance mixed. Shifters and Fae, as well as other paranormal beings, are in this story. Anyone interested in those things would genuinely enjoy curling up with this book and drinking their favorite beverage. 

Portrait of a cougar, mountain lion, puma, panther, striking a pose on a fallen tree. Gorge of the mountain river

Share the best critique/review of your book.

“When I began reading Releasing Her Powers Within: Fae Shifters I by Madilynn Dale, I was fully ready to find a teenage protagonist coming of age, awareness, and powers. I really love that this book has more teeth than that. The protagonist, Liz, is in her twenties instead of a teenager, but that leads to a great deal of maturity and a more complete adult. For example, more adult versus coming-of-age themes are included with Liz considering a career change and clearing out her mother’s property following her death.

The book builds tension all the way through, but about the time of the panther fight in the woods and the mysterious note from “J”, the action is high! The story is racing along at this point, very fluidly, and the reader hates to veer off and pause to do anything but finish reading.The book ends in a natural pause, but the reader is left hanging wanting to know more about these dual roles that Liz now has.

I just recommended this book in a book group I am in because it’s not the typical teenage protagonist. I really like that the story focuses on adults who have started their careers, but are still finding their place in the world.” -Rachel Roy (https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/3525449944?book_show_action=true&from_review_page=1)

What inspired you to write it?

The idea for this story came from a part of a dream I had. The characters presented themselves with an idea, and it went from there. As I began to write, the characters took over, and the story just seemed to flow. It was too good not to share. 

What message would you like readers to take away from your book?

I want readers to know that it is never too late to take a leap of faith and change your life. It’s difficult and has challenges, but in the end, it is worth it if you stay the course. Liz’s life went from being an overworked woman to finding a life filled with magic and love. 

Share an excerpt from your book.

I am pulled roughly into this person’s chest upon reaching the back corner of the alley. It is solid muscle, and I realize it must be a man. I try to look up or around me to get a better look.

“Stop moving!” he yells. I feel a sharp pain and realize he is holding a knife against my neck. I hold my breath and try not to flinch. I can already feel the blade pushing into my skin. It’s cold and sends chills down my spine. 

I finally look up and hear Cam yell, “Liz!”

He runs into the end of the alley and freezes. He must be able to see us in the corner. I don’t know how he can see us, but I am incredibly thankful. The man grips my arm tighter but thankfully does not move the blade any closer. 

“Hey man, don’t hurt her. Whatever you want, we’ll give it to you. Just let her go.”

“Stay where you are, or I will hurt her. I want both of your wallets and whatever valuables you have. If you move, this knife will go into her throat.”

I feel him push it into my throat more. I feel a small cut open up, and blood slowly trickles down my throat. I feel the warmth and pain, and my mind seems to stop working. I stand in horror and feel as if this will be the last moment of my life. I don’t even flinch when the man gropes my ass. 

I look up to meet Cam’s gaze at the end of the alley as I sense some type of change in the air. It’s almost as if there is an electrical current moving through the air. I try not to whimper as the pain from my neck throbs and itches, and more blood runs down. I blink rapidly, fighting back the tears keeping Cam’s gaze, and notice a strange glow that seems to come from his eyes. He tosses his wallet at the man, and it lands a few feet away. I watch as it falls and glance back up at Cam. At that moment, the man roughly shoves me to the side, and I skid across the dirty concrete floor of the alley. 

Before the man has a chance to reach the wallet Cam tossed, he is yanked up by the collar of his shirt and shoved into the wall across from me. A loud growl comes from Cam as he begins to pummel the man with his fist. Blood droplets fly through the air, and a reverberating crunch echoes in the alley. 

Finally, what has only been a few minutes, but has felt like hours later, Cam lets the now unconscious man drop to the ground. He briefly looks at me with what seems to be golden-colored eyes that glow. He walks toward me, and it’s as if the glow fades the closer he gets. I stare in bewilderment, not comprehending what just went down. 

“Are you okay? Hey, look at me. Do you have a concussion? Here let’s put something on that cut. It doesn’t look too deep.” He quickly pulls his t-shirt over his head and presses it into my neck. He reaches down and grasps my hand placing it over the shirt. 

“Here, hold it steady. I think you’re in shock. You aren’t talking.” I am momentarily distracted by his luscious six-pack. 

“Huh?” I manage to get out as I push the shirt against my neck. 

“That’s a bit better. I’ll call the cops, and I’m going to step over here to do so. Just keep the pressure steady.”

I watch as he moves away toward the end of the alley. He seems to be just out of earshot, but I know he has called for help. He frequently glances over at me while relaying information to whatever dispatcher he is speaking to. It warms my heart but doesn’t seem to help me shake free of this stupor. I also can’t figure out why his eyes were glowing. Was that part of the shock I am experiencing? 

He comes back toward me, placing his phone back in his pocket. I watch as he stops to pick up our wallets before coming over to me. 

“Here, let’s get you up and move back toward the streetlights. I don’t like being back here right now.” 

He reaches down to help me to stand, and I let him guide me back toward the street. I love the way his arms around me feel, and it seems to help me relax a bit. 

“Thank you for saving me. I was terrified,”

(Chapter 6 An Unusual Date)

Did you dare to believe that your book will be published when you started writing?

Honestly, no, but I hoped to find a way to publish it. It was an exciting learning experience. 

How many times were you rejected?

I think it was three. I quit waiting to hear back from others after that and started looking into self-publishing. 

Was the process of looking for an agent/publisher discouraging?

Yes. I had a lot of anxiety on top of my regular anxiety while looking. I was also still a new mom during the time, adding more stress to my stressful life. 

How long did you write the first draft? And how long did the editing and re-editing take? 

I think the total time ended up being 7-8 months in the end. 

Can you share your writing rituals/habits/process?

I did a lot of writing for this book late in the evening and into the early hours of the morning. Now my writing habits are a bit different. I do a lot of writing on my son’s days in his early preschool program and when I’m not completely exhausted at night. I always have something to sip on while I write, usually water, coffee, or wine. A crunchy snack helps me focus as well. 

When I first start writing stories, I do a lot of brainstorming and use Pinterest images to begin forming my idea. I also plan out a list of characters for the story and write out their personality and other character traits. It helps me refer back to them as I am writing to keep each of the characters consistent. I also do a rough outline for how my story will play out. It doesn’t always stay on track with it because my characters take over, so I try to make it a flexible one. 

Who was your first literary crush?

This is a difficult question. I honestly can’t remember who my first literary crush was. I have read so many books over the years. One of the earliest I can remember was Stark from the House Of Night Series by P.C. Cast. 

Did you imagine yourself as an author in your teens?

I did, but I never dreamed that I could do it. My family always pushed my siblings and me to go for higher-paying jobs, and I had written off writing at one point because it didn’t bring in that much money. My husband was the one that encouraged me to give it a try and just see where it goes. I was terrified to do it, but I’m pleased I took that leap of faith. 

What was the first book that made you fall in love with reading?

The Magic Tree House series by Mary Pope Osborne were some of the first books that got me hooked on reading. I loved their magical stories, and I hope my son does one day too. They were so fun and creative. I think that’s where my love for fantasy books originated. 

Did a book ever make you cry? (Which one?)

Yes, there have been a lot that have made me cry. So many. The last book I read that made me cry big tears was by Ivy Smoak, Empire High Betrayal. Another that gets me every time I read it is Kingdom of Ash by Sarah J Maas. 

Which literary character did you want to take to bed as an 18-year-old?

I am not sure I had one at that time in my life, but I had a crush on Stark from the House Of Night Series at that time. Maybe him?

Do you sing under the shower? Or to your plants?

Yes, to both. I like to play music and work around the house, so my plants get sang to a lot. When I am in a good mood, I sing whatever is stuck in my head while I shower. 

Do you like to cook? What is your specialty?

I enjoy cooking. It can be relaxing and fun. I enjoy cooking pastas, baked goods, and casseroles. 

Do you have a pet?

Yes, I have five. Two dogs and three cats. Most of them are rescues, and they make life fun. 

What is the most romantic thing you ever did?

Hike to the top of a mountain and kiss my husband. We could see for miles out in every direction around us, and it was peaceful. It was a quiet moment where we stood together and just looked at the large world around us and felt our love for each other as we watched the clouds move by. 

What is the most romantic thing someone did for you?

My husband took me to my favorite place, which is in the middle of a state park on the edge of the river that runs through there. It’s a beautiful park, Beavers Bend State park in Hochatown OK. He took me out onto this small piece of concrete that goes out into the middle of the river. I loved looking off the edge of it as a kid and watch the bass swim about and an occasional snake. We were out there looking at the cliffs across from us, and he proposed to me. It was peaceful and not over the top, which is perfect for me. I think that is one of the most romantic things he has done. He isn’t a huge romantic. 

Do you believe in love?

Absolutely. 

Social Media Links

Website: http://www.thechaptergoddess.com

Twitter: https://twitter.com/Madi_Dale_Write

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/madilynndalewrites/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MadilynnDaleAuthor

Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/mratdegraff91/_created/

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@mdwriter?lang=en

Bookbub: https://www.bookbub.com/profile/madilynn-dale

Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/20150515.Madilynn_Dale

Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Madilynn-Dale/e/B0868CGSLC?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_2&qid=1616000125&sr=8-2

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCG8uZRvQC4o_dqwkqJy9Wgg

Book Links

Book Links: All Amazon Links

Breaking Traditions: The Shifter and The Mage: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B087TJJ5HF/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_bibl_vppi_i2

The Fae Shifters Series

Book 1, Releasing Her Power Within: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B08682JFSP/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_bibl_vppi_i1

Book 2, Unleashed: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B08KGLWR1Z/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_bibl_vppi_i4

Book 3, Revealed: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B08LQNTKCD/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_bibl_vppi_i3

Book 4, The Blood King: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B08YKL5Q42/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_bibl_vppi_i0

Short Stories:

Creative Intent: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B08DG9C5PV/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_bibl_vppi_i6

Dog Park Epiphany: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B08CNML3V7/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_bibl_vppi_i5

New Path: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B08CL57JZ5/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_bibl_vppi_i7

Author Interview: Nikki Nelson Hicks

Tell us something about your book.

The Jake Istenhegyi: The Accidental Detective series is an arc of six stories that follow our bemused hero as he goes deeper and deeper down a terrifying labyrinth of mystery and magic. It is set in New Orleans in the 1930’s. The first story, A Chick, a Witch, and a Dick Walk into a Barn, has Jake looking for his missing partner and best friend, Barrington “Bear” Gunn. Jake stumbles upon the lair of a Voodoo priestess and her unholy flock of zombie chickens.

And that’s just the beginning.

In the next five stories, Jake confronts golems, swamp monsters, immortals, man-eating fishmen, ghosts, and the Irish mob. In hindsight, the mobsters were the least of his worries.

Who is the ideal reader for your book?

Anyone who wants to go on an adventure, have a bit of fun and just run away from reality.

Share the best critique/review of your book.

“In Jake Istenhegyi The Accidental Detective Vol.1 Nikki Nelson-Hicks has brought us a character the eclipses Kolchak The Night Stalker and Harry Dresden. Istenhegyi is anything but a detective. Yet he finds himself thrust into world of voodoo, zombie chickens and dark edges of sanity.
Nelson-Hicks has captured the essence of Noir and twisted every drop of excitement, suspense and weirdness she could into the first volume. I can’t wait for volume 2!”

What inspired you to write it?

I was at a convention and a publisher approached me with the opportunity to write a story for an anthology he was putting together called Poultry Pulp. The challenge was to write a short pulp story that somehow incorporated chickens into the plot. I ran with that idea. Chickens + Voodoo + New Orleans = A Chick, a Witch, and a Dick Walked into a Barn.

That anthology never came to pass but the publisher liked the story so much that he asked me to turn it into a series. And, like most things in my life, I just fell into it! I started writing the Jake stories.

What message would you like readers to take away from your book?

I was once on a panel and we were asked what social contribution we felt our stories owed the world.

One of the other panelists gave a very heartfelt, pithy speech on how he hoped his stories would create a bridge between the major religions and the outlier pagan ones. It’s a noble pursuit.

My response? “None. I write to divert, to entertain. My goal is to give you something to do to fill the void when you’re in a waiting room, riding the bus, or on the toilet. If I entertain you for those brief moments in time, I feel the story has done its job.”

TL; dr: My stories are pure pulp driven fun. If you learn something, that’s your fault.

Share an excerpt from your book.

From A Chick, a Witch, and a Dick Walked into a Barn-

I tossed the scraper aside and sat in the chair across from him. “So, where have you been all morning?”

“Getting clients, buddy-boy.” He tapped a shoebox sized package in his lap. “I got a call from Postmaster Klaus. This was waiting for me.”

“What is it?”

“I dunno. It’s a mystery.” He pulled off the brown wrapping and tossed it aside. “Luckily, I’m in the mystery business.”

I picked up the paper and read the return to address. “Idaho? Who do you know in Idaho?”

He shrugged and opened the box. Inside was a white envelope attached to a typewritten letter laying on top of several handwritten ones. He fanned them and a strong smell of roses filled the air. 

 “Love letters?” I asked.

He tossed the pile of letters on the desk and opened the envelope. A cascade of money flowed out. 

I picked up the bills and counted. “There’s over a hundred dollars here, Bear. What do they want you to do? Kill somebody?”

“Shh, I’m working.” He chewed on his thumbnail as he read the letter. “Huh. Says here a kid by the name of Isaac Stiegerson moved down here to New Orleans two months ago to hitch up with a lonely heart pen pal. His family hasn’t heard a word from him since. They want me to look in on it.”

“You mean us.”

“No, this is a solo job. Our lovebirds are shacking up in the bayou. I know how you prefer the feel of concrete beneath your feet.”

That was true. Bear relished the dirtier side of the business. Stake outs, guns, and fistfights were Bear’s world. Me? I preferred a Parisian café with beignets, linen napkins, and a newspaper. As far as I was concerned, anything beyond the city of New Orleans was marked ‘here be dragons.’

Bear picked up his hat, folded the letter and put it in his coat pocket. “Daylight is wasting. I’d better get going.”

“Shouldn’t you read these letters? Get a better sense of what you are going up against?”

“I know all I need to know. Some dumbass farm boy gets himself a taste of Creole ass and now Daddy Warbucks wants his boy back home before some color gets added to the bloodline. It’s a tale as old as time. If you want to play librarian and stink up your hands with that cheap toiletwater, be my guest.” He opened the door. “By the way, can I use your car, Jake?”

I felt a chill go down my spine. My Kicsem, my darling, was a ’32 Phaeton, hunter green exterior and deep red interior. I loved that car with my heart and soul.

“Didn’t you buy a secondhand Ford last week?”

“About that. No.” Bear knocked on the door frame. “Cash flow problems.”

“Why not? You had the money.” I felt my skin start to flush again. “I know because you borrowed it from me.”

“Yeah…sorry. I ran into some old buddies. They invited me to a friendly game of cards and, well, it didn’t end up so friendly.

“Goddammit, Bear.”

“Look, I can pay you back.” He held up the cash. “I bet I can squeeze more out of this old guy if I string him along enough. Come on, Jake. I can’t work without a car. And we’re partners, right?”

“Jesus, fine. Take her. Just promise me that you will take care of her.” 

Bear rolled his eyes, kissed his fingertips, and crossed his heart. “I promise. I will guard your precious Kicsem with my life.”

When I tossed him the keys, I felt a little part of me peel away.

 “I’ll bring her back in the morning with a full tank of gas, okay? Oh, and that reminds me. Don’t think I haven’t forgotten about tomorrow.”

 Bear rummaged in his coat pocket and tossed a silver Zippo lighter. “Consider it an early birthday present.”

“Thanks.” A buxom blonde graced the front. She was fighting the wind over her skirt and losing much to my delight. I flicked it open and closed, bisecting her. “Maybe I’ll take up smoking.”

“About time! Jesus, by your age, I’d been smoking for over a decade! I have a big day planned for us, kid. First, breakfast of biscuits and gravy and thick, greasy slabs of fatty bacon at the Sun Coffee Shop, then a double feature of Cagney in G Men and Tracy in The Murder Man and a big fried chicken dinner over at Russo’s. To top it all off, I am setting you up with the sweetest skirt in town, Edie.”

“Edie? The girl at the dry cleaners? I can’t get her to give me the time of day.”

“She owes me a favor.” He clicked his tongue and winked. “You and me, Jake.  Tomorrow, we’re gonna burn this damn town down!”

The frame rattled as he slammed the door behind him.  That was Bear. His exits were just as loud as his entrances.

I scooped up the letters and read them.

I didn’t glean much except that they were love letters, very explicit ones in fact, from a Henrietta Harleux to someone she called her ‘Blond Stallion Beau’. Reading her responses to his letters was like hearing only one side of a conversation. Frustrating.  If she came through with only half of the things she promised to do to young Mr. Stiegerson, he was one lucky son of a bitch.

New Orleans was drowning in luckier sons of bitches than me.

That night I dreamt of beautiful Creole women whispering wet promises and deep, dark kisses.

Did you dare to believe that your book will be published when you started writing?

I had a contract. This baby already had a home waiting for it.

How many times were you rejected?

For this story, none. For other stories of mine, SO MANY TIMES.

Was the process of looking for an agent/publisher discouraging?

After I left that publishing house, I’ve been independently publishing my work.

I still go through all the steps. Editing, cover art, layouts, marketing….the only thing is that now all of that comes out of my pocket. It can be very frustrating but also liberating. I have complete control over what comes out, how it looks, and when it comes out.

How long did you write the first draft? And how long did the editing and re-editing take?

2-3 months writing the story. Another 3 months or so with the editing.

Can you share your writing rituals/habits/process?

I don’t really have a set process. Every story seems to have its own recipe. The only through line is that every story has its own journal. It can be a fancy leather journal or a spiral notebook. It doesn’t really matter. In this journal, I start brainstorming ideas. Plots. Characters. Themes. All that jazz.

Once I have a general idea of what the story is going to be about, I make a very loosey-goosey outline. A – B- C – D, etc. The main goal of that outline is that I need a Beginning and an End Point to shoot for. That middle bit can be a soft and mushy as it needs because editing will harden that stuff up.

Then the research. It’s amazing how much research I do for these silly stories. While I like writing fantastical stories about weird stuff, I work very hard to ground them in some kind of reality.

And because of my ADHD monkey brain, object permanence is a real problem so I print out pictures of people to represent my characters and sometimes even totems to represent the story. For instance, in the story, Boodaddies, Bogs and a Dead Man’s Booty, I have Jake hunting for a pirate ship. So, of course, I had a model pirate ship on a table next to my desk to keep me on task.

Y’all don’t even want to know what I had hanging from my ceiling when I was writing my story about Mongolian Death Worms…

Who was your first literary crush?

Sherlock Holmes.

Or Dracula.

One or the other.

I guess that makes me either a sapiosexual or necrophiliac. Oh well.

Did you imagine yourself as an author in your teens?

Yes. It’s so embarrassing when I think about it now.

I honestly thought I’d write a book, get published and, suddenly, everything would be roses and daisies. I’d be famous! Rich! Adored and admired!

HAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!

Oh, sweetie.

What was the first book that made you fall in love with reading?

I was a very anxious, lonely kid. I spent most of my childhood reading encyclopedias and books about myths and legends. I don’t have the name of the first book that sparked that fire. Frankly, it was all books. Reading was a mode of self defense for me. I think that’s why I write fun, fantastical, adventurous stories to give other sad, lonely people a way out.

Did a book ever make you cry? (Which one?)

I do know the first story that terrified me and continues to keep me up at night: Flowers for Algernon.

I don’t have much except my mind and if I were to lose that, I don’t know how I could live.

“please god…don’t take away everything….”

That line makes me shudder.

Which literary character did you want to take to bed as an 18-year-old?

Damn, that’s personal.

Actually, I’m Ace so…..none?

Do you sing under the shower? Or to your plants?

I have been known to break into a few songs from Hamilton, from time to time.

Do you like to cook? What is your specialty?

I have only delved into my Kitchen Witch self in the past few years. I love cooking savory meaty dishes. I’m a very visceral eater. If I can’t tear it apart with my fingers and teeth, I’m not happy.

That makes my very detail oriented and neat freak Virgo husband absolutely nuts.

I made a Garlic Steak Bites dish the other night that my family loved! It was so good.

Do you have a pet?

Several. They all are rescues. I have two dogs, Sage, an elderly German shepherd, and Freya, a Pyrenees and Labrador mix.  I have five cats: Greebo, a gray tabby and the Patriarch. Fireball, the tortie Matriarch. The twins, Mushi and Yasuko, Himalayans. Miss Inara, another tortie and possible heir to the matriarchy. And Jack, an orange tabby and Greebo’s heir apparent.

What is the most romantic thing you ever did?

I’m not romantic but last Christmas I did get my husband a portrait of our cat, Jack, done as if he was a Victorian gentleman. Brian was thrilled with it because he calls Jack his “therapy cat”.

What is the most romantic thing someone did for you?

OH! I can answer that. A long time ago, a guy who was in love with me wrote a poem about me. It was really lovely.

Do you believe in love?

Yes. It’s the most powerful and terrible force in the Universe.

Amazon Author Page: https://www.amazon.com/~/e/B00I34EF3S

Website: http://www.nnhbooks.com

Your Children are Boring by Tom James

My neighbor has an adorable three-year-old son, so adorable that you just have to smile whenever you see him. However, I had to unsubscribe from seeing the mother’s news updates because every single day she posts the boy’s photo while eating, standing, sitting, sleeping… with captions such as “The love of my soul, my heart, my soul, love you to the moon and back, look how handsome I am, say Hi, cutie…” And regardless of how fond I am of the little guy and his mom, I don’t want to roll my eyes whenever I waste my time on social media. That young mom isn’t an exception ‒ I had to hide posts of almost all my parent-friends from my news feed. Not only are they boring, but if I was a mother, maybe I would start wondering if my love for my child is big enough if I don’t post photos of the unsuspecting child, without its consent and knowledge, on the Internet. Hmm, did parents raise their kids good enough and love them enough before social media? That isn’t my only complaint about modern parents. A few months ago, a mother with a child sitting in the shopping cart was in the line in front of me. And the child was repeatedly kicking me. When I asked the mother to do something, she behaved like I was a monster instead of telling her child that it isn’t okay to kick people.

There are many more examples of modern parents behaving like bores, fools, and even jerks. There were even occasions when mothers behaved like they were better human beings than me just because they have offspring, unlike me. Don’t get me wrong, I adore children, but having a child isn’t exactly rocket science ‒ people and animals are doing it since the beginning of time, and it certainly doesn’t mean that parents are better than people without kids.

If you have ever shared my thoughts, then you must read Your Children are Boring by Tom James. Mr. Tom says: “If you are child-free and angry at how the wonder of parenting is rammed down your throat, there’s every chance you’ll find an ally in one of your friends who has kids. Many will agree with you, and at least be sympathetic. And some may even be mortified if they suspect they’ve contributed to it… Common ground should be found, and conversations might begin. Despite the title of this book, the aim isn’t to create a schism.” And if you are a parent, it is your duty to read it.

Your Children are Boring is, first of all, a hilarious book, “funniest book of the year!” It is crazy to claim that one nation is more humorous than another but there definitely is something about English humor. And that means that you will roar with laughter while reading James’ examples of how modern parents ruin everything. But when the laughter dies down, you will think about what he said because he didn’t just crack jokes in his book. Oh, no, if it was only a collection of jokes, the book would hardly be worth mentioning. However, James outlined some very serious issues about our modern society but, thankfully, did it humorously.

I will skip the funny parts since the humor dilutes with retelling, but I must mention a few things to highlight how useful this book actually is when you scrape away the sugar coating.

“We used to call this sort of mindless indulgence of children ’spoiling’. Now, we call it modern parenting… Where might it end? The unwavering acceptance of all their thoughts and desires will teach them nothing about life’s realities, about how to function and learn as a human… unable to accept criticism or instruction and yet desperately struggling to be understood.”

No matter how hard it is to refuse a child, parents should always know the little cutie will become a teenager and an adult one day. Indulgence doesn’t provide children with the necessary mindset to tackle school, studying, friendship, partnership… in short ‒ life. And if a child doesn’t learn the basic skills when it is young, it will have a hard time with everything afterward. So, modern parents should ask themselves: What is more important ‒ a smile from a spoiled brat now or a happy, fulfilled, independent adult later?

“Might raising children to expect a world full of mummies result in us having a whole generation of indoor cats? A population of humans so incapable of dealing with the reality that they can only live a life of misery?”

It would be great, for the children’s sake, if parents would learn to make a difference between their children not being ready for natural life lessons and themselves not being ready to make their little ones a bit uncomfortable or upset. Children are excellent actors and they like to test their power over other human beings from a young age. My ex-boyfriends’ sister would scream and bang her head on the floor until she got what she wanted. Needless to say that today she is a bitter woman who doesn’t understand why all her relationships with lovers, friends, colleagues, and relatives are horrible.

And there are many more examples of parents doing their children a bear’s favor, as we would say in Serbia, by indulging them instead of doing what every responsible parent who loves his/her child should do. Sure the child is ready to stop wearing nappies, to brush its teeth, and put that plate back on the table. It’s not like you are sending the child to the army, you are just teaching it normal, necessary life skills.

“And as you get older, you’ll wonder why your little prince/princess is now a fifty-year-old narcissist who lives in squalor in your basement waiting for you to die. But, boy, won’t they love you? Actually, that’s extremely unlikely. As they contemplate their life while Call of Duty loads, they’ll blame you for everything because (a) it probably is your fault, and (b) they’ve had a lifetime of lessons in it not being their fault.”

Yes, that may seem very far away, but what a child gets used to in its early childhood paves the way to its adult-self. Nobody is suggesting that you should force your child, say, to sit for hours at the table until it eats everything like Enid from Franzen’s The Corrections did to Chip, to chop wood as a seven-year-old, to accept mature responsibilities as a ten-year-old… but responsibilities and limits are very important, regardless of how much children dislike them.

The bottom line is that this book, no matter how funny, is a must-read for parents and future parents alike, as well as for child-free folks who are wondering why their friends who have become parents are behaving strangely. Not only will you laugh to tears but you will end armed with valuable insights for being a better parent and your child will be grateful one day even if it is pouting with dissatisfaction at the moment.

Guest Post: Daniel D. Hickey

Leaping Into Self-Publishing

By Daniel Hickey

Sunday March 7th turned out to be a good day to launch my first book.  The day has sentimental value and I think this may have been less crowded than other days.  Worried sick about my cover and description, I rewrote the latter the night before and I’m still waiting on Amazon to reflect the correct text.  My mailing list was barely 100 mostly family and friends who had complimented my writing in the past, and hadn’t unsubscribed since I began blogging last fall.  I started to build a Facebook presence last summer and I have several hundred LinkedIn contacts who hadn’t heard anything from me in recent years. All combined, I probably reached about 1,000 people with the announcement that I self-published my first book.

Writing the book is another story, I had now entered the marketing phase, educated through scores of hours of YouTube videos.  There’s Dale and Dave and the guys who say I can retire making adult coloring books. There’s Reedsy with lists of book bloggers, like Book Fairy, and there’s a handful of Facebook groups. Much of it is actually quite helpful. I decided to offer free e-books for the first 5 days in order to prime the Amazon algorithm for an ad campaign to follow.

Using Dave Chesson’s Publisher Rocket, I found keywords and categories that suited my strategy, as naïve as it may have been.  I originally intended to put an ad next to a particular bestseller in my category, only to find the suggested bid to be almost $5. I guess I knew it wasn’t going to be so easy.

Most of the industry knowledge I acquired comes from Mark Dawson’s Self-Publishing Formula and his 23,000 person Facebook group. Following the conversations of those ahead of me has been a huge help. I’m on the waiting list for his paid course and have watched so many hours of his various video series that I’m beginning to pick up a British accent. So standing on the shoulders of those giants, I was ready to take the leap.

Diving In

While I have nieces and nephews among my targets, most of my friends have little interest in a self-help book for teens entering high school. Their kids are already looking at the path out of college. 50 years of friendships paid gratifying dividends nonetheless and I was inundated with responses congratulating me and wishing me luck. Most said they would download a copy.

At the same time, I launched my first ad campaign. Dipping a toe in the water, I set up the simplest type of Amazon sponsored products campaign, using auto targeting to run at the suggested bid rate for $5 per day.  I figured I would let the algorithm decide who to target based on my description and categories, and then see what interesting data might appear.

I knew it would take a few days to get a real picture, but sitting on the couch after dinner, I decided to see if there was any data after a day and a half.  Scrolling down to the details section of my book’s Amazon page, I was astounded to see it ranking #1 in the Being a Teen category.  Not quite believing my own eyes, I called my mother to ask what she saw. “Oh my, it says number 1!”  My illustrator in Boston also pointed out that it was #44 in the very competitive self-help category.  I congratulated him on the cover and stopped worrying about that. Meanwhile, the paperback got tagged as the #1 New Release in Being a Teen!

I raised my daily ad budget to $10 and watched the book bounce around the top 20 positions in my category, taking screenshots of everything. The next morning it was still number 1 and the paperback still had that tag. I had no idea how many books I was selling, it didn’t really matter though because the e-books were free.  Oddly, the #1 New Release tag was on the paperback which was not ranking as high. I raised the ad budget to $30 a day hoping to form as wide a foundation as possible. Still having no idea how many books were actually moving.

My first review came in at 5 stars with a couple of very nice sentences.  I have no clue from the user name who may have left it. Fortunately, they don’t share my last name or initial. Now that the sales data was coming in, I saw how easy my category really is.  I was surprised how few books I sold but sure glad to have that #1 tag, which I put on my website, social media, and anyplace else I can. My blog post to thank everyone for the great launch generated another little wave of sales.

Swimming in Data

Once you have that taste of number 1, nothing else is good enough. I should have been thrilled to remain in the top 10 for a few days but the ad campaign hadn’t shown any effect now that my friends had all gotten their copies. I noticed my auto targeting campaign had generated a total spend of $0.96 after the first week.  Now that the book costs money, sales have dropped to pretty much nothing and the ads aren’t working yet. 

The algorithm is probably showing my ads to a lot of people with profiles like my friends who downloaded the book.  My mother’s friends bought a bunch of paperbacks so I should be good with targeting grandmothers. That said, the great launch may be hurting the effectiveness of my campaign reaching its early teen targets, or I might be overthinking the whole thing and just need to be more patient. My auto campaign ended after two weeks and no real data. Now I’m running a couple of keyword campaigns with ad text and a sponsored products campaign targeting other books in my category.

Watching the data closely, I noticed a certain keyword getting thousands of impressions and only a few clicks.  The very low click through rate seemed anomalous so I decided to watch it a little while.  A few hours later, I had spent about $8 after more than 8,000 impressions and a couple dozen clicks. I entered the term into Amazon’s search box and found a hot, newly released, romantic thriller from a popular author. I turned off that keyword and am downloading daily spreadsheets of the rest, tweaking bids in an attempt to get more impressions and clicks.  I spent last weekend watching excel videos trying to make all the data more accessible. Fortunately, my business background suits me well to this phase.

I bid above the suggested price on the keywords I felt most confident about, but I’m finding most of my activity is around keywords where I bid below the suggested price. My favorites aren’t getting many impressions yet.  I’ve also been surprised by how responsive Amazon agents are, you can actually get them on the phone quickly, even if they aren’t very helpful.  The robots are too mysterious for anyone to fully figure out.

Having Fun

Another surprise came when my book was selected for a promotion by Hello Books, the new project from Mark Dawson’s company.  They have compiled lists in various genres of readers who want steeply discounted and free books, and they have gotten thousands of submissions from authors wanting to reach them. Amazon’s rules prevent me from making the book free again so soon, but I hope to make it available for $0.99 from this Friday throughout the weekend.  Any reader can sign up to receive Hello Books’ weekly deal announcements.

Even if nobody else reads my book, it’s all been worthwhile.  It was written for my three sons who have all gotten a great lesson in pursuing a dream and having a lot of fun when it begins to gain traction. They see their friends and family calling their dad a best-selling author, even if I’m not quitting my day job just yet. If there are any exceptional early teens in your life who might want to learn about Socrates, Galileo, Shakespeare and so much more, please check out my website and please download a discounted book this weekend. If you read it, I would really appreciate it if you could please leave a review. Reviews are the protein that sustains self-published authors, and what I’m worrying about now.

Many thanks to Eli for letting me share my story.  If you are on a self-publishing path and have any questions, please contact me through my website, and please subscribe to my blog while you’re there.

Daniel D. Hickey is the author of A Classic Path Through High School: For Exceptional Early Teens, the #1 New Release in Amazon’s Being a Teen category (March 8, 2021). If you have read the book, please leave a review at this link.

Author Interview: John B. Rosenman

Tell us something about your book.

Inspector of the Cross is the first novel of a six book series, and it features an unusual hero. Thanks to suspended animation, Turtan is over 3500 years old and travels on freeze ships to distant worlds.  His mission is to investigate weapons that might help humanity turn the tide against their ancient nemesis, vicious aliens called the Cenknife. After five thousand years of warfare, this seemingly invincible enemy has brought mankind to the brink of ruin. 

When Turtan discovers just such a weapon, a beautiful, seductive woman stands in his way.  He must use all his skills, abilities, and courage to meet the crisis and save untold billions of lives. 

Who is the ideal reader for your book?

Someone who loves adventurous science fiction or speculative fiction and has a sense of wonder. Someone who is still in touch with his or her inner child. What would it be like to be a man who travels in suspended animation and is therefore nearly four thousand years old  compared to others? What would it be like to meet your great-great-great grandson when he’s an old, old man? What would it be like to travel with your enemy down a black hole into infinity? Or to marry a heartless alien female? If you’re a person who likes such mind-stretching concepts, then this is the novel for you. And that goes double if you also like larger-than-life heroes who are saviors, fighting for the survival of the human race.

At the same time, if you’re someone who thinks that hard science fiction is the only way to go, then I’m not the guy for you and this novel won’t fit in your library. While I try to present a logical universe, much of it is fanciful and make-believe, the stuff that dreams are made on.

Share the best critique/review of your book.

This was a hard choice. I actually have many good reviews. Finally, I chose the one below because the reviewer compared me to Robert Heinlein. WOW!

Rochelle Weber, Roses & Thorns Reviews

5.0 out of 5 stars Heinlein would approve. No higher praise…

Reviewed in the United States on May 16, 2017

Verified Purchase

The college I attended had a writing program, but when I went, there were no genre-specific classes. Everyone was out to win the National Book Award at the very least, and they all looked down on genre fiction. Eventually they added a sci-fi class, but the instructor told me the rest of the writing faculty were still snobbish toward her. Hugo and Nebula Awards meant nothing to them. Mr. Rosenman’s students were lucky, indeed, to have such a good writer teaching them at a college where I’m sure he received the respect he deserved.

In my opinion, the best sci-fi writer of the twentieth century was Robert A. Heinlein. The first of Mr. Rosenman’s books that I read was almost as good as the Old Man’s. Inspector of the Cross, I think, might have had Mr. Heinlein in the same conundrum as me. The book grabbed me on the first page, but somewhere along the way, I caught a red herring. I mean I really caught it. I had that thing scaled, gutted, and breaded. If I say any more, I might ruin the book. You must buy Inspector of the Cross and follow Turtan on his journeys.

What inspired you to write it?

Well, I’d read a lot of Golden Age and later science fiction and grew up in the fifties watching science fiction / horror movies like Them!, The Thing, The War of the Worlds and so on. Plus, I read Joe Haldeman’s award-winning sci-fi novel The Forever War. It’s about a soldier who is a thousand years old thanks to relativistic space travel. A mere thousand years? I decided I could do better than that. I upped the ante and made my hero four times as old because he traveled between the stars in suspended animation.

What message would you like readers to take away from your book?

I want to convey to readers that it’s important to celebrate the imagination. One of my favorite old science-fiction magazines had a one word title that I absolutely love: If. That one word is what Inspector of the Cross is all about: infinite possibilities. If you can imagine it, it can become true. I also love heroes, especially noble and tormented ones who face seemingly overwhelming odds. In that sense, Turtan certainly qualifies because he’s the only one who can save us from annihilation.

Share an excerpt from your book.

            He started to answer and stopped, finding his whole body trembling uncontrollably.  God help him, what was he going to do?  He was even more used up than his hosts, the Zontenians.  Over three thousand, five hundred years of preparation and experience would be leading up to this one supreme test, and now, when the Cross needed him as never before and the course of all history might hang in the balance, he was losing his grip. Had lost it already, if Turois could be believed, who despite his rudimentary emotions still possessed a Cen brain with its vast superiority in withstanding reality-distorting phenomena.  Assuming he, who was only a human, managed to tolerate the lift-off in the morning and living in close quarters with the enemy for eight standard weeks, what would he do when he finally reached the singularity and had to go through it? Even if he were in the best mental condition, it might still drive him insane and destroy him—if the comparatively little Cross specialists knew of black holes was true.

            “Here.” Yori placed a glass of rare Zontenian wine in his hand. “Drink this and maybe you can get some rest. So tomorrow…”

            “So tomorrow I’ll be in shape to resume my Flying Dutchman chase amid the stars?” he finished. “You think getting drunk is what I need?”

            “What do you need, Tan?” Her dark eyes implored him. “Tell me.”

            He raised the glass, his throat tight with terror. “Make me young again, Yori. As when I started.” He managed to find his mouth with the glass, only he was shaking so hard, half of the wine sloshed down his body. He dropped the glass.

            “Oh, Tan, I’ll make you young again. Take away all your pain.” She dropped wet-eyed to her knees and kissed the wine from his belly, licking him dry. Gradually she worked lower and despite the way he was shaking, he felt himself respond. Respond as he always did with her. He closed his eyes as she clasped him in a frenzy, hearing her words muffled by his flesh. “I’ll make you new again, Tan. Take away all your pain.” She rose and led him to bed, where he knew she would bring him love and warmth but no youth or Lethe of forgetfulness.  All he knew was for this moment, he must try to find them.

Did you dare to believe that your book will be published when you started writing?

Yes, I dared. Foolishly, I dared. Not only that, I imagined (or day-dreamed) that my novel would hook a great agent and that after a feverish bidding war, it would be snatched up by an elite publisher who would reward me with a huge advance. Then of course, my novel would become a runaway best seller and readers would clamor for a sequel, and then a series. In the meantime, my agent would sell the novel to Hollywood and . . .

Well, you get the idea. Yes, I dared to believe even though I knew the odds were tremendously against me. But hope was all I had and whatever luck I could find.

Actually, I wrote the novel about forty years ago and couldn’t sell it, no matter how hard I tried. So I put it away in a cardboard box in my closet. Then, because I seldom give up, thirty years later I took the moldering manuscript and typed it fresh into my computer, refining it as I went. Since I was then a member of a writers group, I submitted it to them chapter by chapter. Thanks to their critiques, I ultimately placed Inspector of the Cross with MuseItUp Publishing. In time, a series evolved from it. And then later, for reasons I won’t go into here, I picked up the whole series from MuseItUp Publishing and transferred it to Crossroad Press where one of the publishers is an old writing buddy of mine.

How many times were you rejected?

About fifteen, and I kept all the rejections. One of the readers at a top publisher actually took the time to comment at length on the novel and criticize its episodic nature. He also didn’t like the title and thought that the word or title “Inspector” didn’t fit. Usually, though, I just received impersonal form rejection slips that made me wonder if anyone had even bothered to read the first paragraph.

What really helped me to ultimately publish the novel was the emergence of the small or independent press. They might not offer a large advance but they made up for it with good, supportive editing.

Was the process of looking for an agent/publisher discouraging?

Yup, it sure was. Not only for Inspector of the Cross but for some of my later novels. I used to have a list on the wall of over fifty agents I had queried for one of my novels. Many of them never responded, not even to say NO. Amazon had hundreds of agents, and I researched them thoroughly and started at the top, selecting those who seemed to fit best what I wrote. The word ”discouraging” certainly applies. It got so I decided to eliminate the middle man and submit directly to publishsers even though I knew it would be better to have an agent to represent me.

You know, I’ve only managed to snag one agent in my life, and that was for my novel Down from Oz, which is about a white teacher in a small black college. He snatched it up and shopped it around to publishers but ultimately couldn’t sell it. Later the novel won the First Novel Award at a small, independent publisher and was released as The Best Laugh Last.

How long did you write the first draft? And how long did the editing and re-editing take?

Keep in mind that it took about forty years to reach publication, and that for thirty of those years, my heroic Inspector lay in suspended animation, largely forgotten in a closet. When I wrote the first draft around 1980, I did it on pads of yellow legal paper. This was before computers became common, so I did it the old-fashioned way and then used a typewriter. I would say the first draft took a year to write and type. When I returned to it thirty years later, I spent a year to a year and a half rewriting it with the help of my writers group, God bless ’em. After the first publisher accepted it, the edits and revisions took about two or three months more.

Can you share your writing rituals/habits/process?

I’m a pantser, so I make things up as I go along, often with little idea of my ultimate destination. Consequently, I seldom do any outlining, character sketches, or advance planning. However, here’s one ritual I might mention. There was a certain Barnes & Noble nearby that served as a creative spark plug that jumpstarted my imagination. I’d stroll through the store and now and then, Bingo!, something I saw would cause a story to leap right into my head. Sometimes it was partial and sometimes it was almost full-blown. Thanks to this bookstore, I wrote and published over a dozen stories, some of them in professional machines.

Since I retired ten years ago, I write when I want for as long as I want. In other words, I’ve been largely unstructured. However, for twenty years before that, I was a member of a writers group that forced me to be much more disciplined. Every two weeks I tried to have a new short story or chapter for them, which required that I apply the seat of my pants to a chair and type away. It helped that I also had to read and critique their work and be prepared to comment when my turn came. Since I was an English professor during this time, I had to be really disciplined and find the time not only to grade papers and prepare for class, but also to write. My situation was difficult but productive. Thanks to this writers group, I published dozens of stories and several novels.

Who was your first literary crush?

Now, if by literary crush you mean a literary character, then it would be Cyrano de Bergerac, the hero of Rostand’s play who was superbly played by Jose Ferrer in the movie. Cyrano was an acclaimed poet and France’s greatest swordfighter. It was the swordfighting more than anything else that attracted me as a kid. Plus Cyrano’s confident ability to spout poetry as he dueled. And when he executed the coup de grâce, he announced it dramatically. ”Then, as I end the refrain, thrust home!” Also, as a kid who was sometimes picked on, I could identify with the fact that Cyrano’s gigantic nose made men laugh at him behind his back and women turn the other way. Yet at the same time they admired him and if Cyrano had only found the courage to ask for a date, some women would have gladly accepted. I could go on and on about Cyrano’s integrity, honesty, courage and other virtues. Suffice it to say that as a kid, I dressed up as the guy and organized swordfights with my friends.

Did you imagine yourself as an author in your teens?

A little, especially in my late teens. When I was in the tenth grade, an English teacher compared my writing style to Thomas Wolfe’s. Huge praise! I recall that the story I showed her was called ”The Fine Line”. It was about a boxer who was almost, but not quite, good enough to be great. I never finished it, but when I was a freshman in college, I showed it to my English professor. I still recall his written comment. ”You might have some bent or talent for writing. At your age you should read all you can.” I took him at his word and started to read more widely. One night I marched out to his house to present him with my latest masterpiece. Later, as a junior, I took his creative writing course. As for boxers, see my novel The Merry-Go-Round Man, which is available in multiple formats, including audio. In it, Johnny Roth crosses the ”fine line” into greatness both as a boxer and as an artist.

What was the first book that made you fall in love with reading?

It wasn’t a book but a comic book. Do you remember Classics Illustrated comic books? Well, I collected and read them all. The only one I couldn’t get was Don Quixote. I just loved all of them, especially Cyrano de Bergerac. Sadly, today I don’t read comics at all. I seem to have lost interest even though there are many fine graphic novels available.

Shortly after that, I was hooked by Ellery Queen mysteries and then by westerns.

Did a book ever make you cry? (Which one?)

No, but a few made me weepy or got into my head. Cyrano de Bergerac is one. The scene at the end where Roxane learns that it was Cyrano, not Christian who spoke to her beneath her balcony in the dark and that he has loved her all his life . . . Cyrano is blind and dying and it’s a romantic tear jerker if there ever was one. For Pete’s sake, why didn’t Cyrano ever speak up and confess his love? What would have happened? Would Roxane have rejected him or seen past his gigantic nose into his noble soul? Then there’s Karen Joy Fowler’s short story “The Lake Was Full of Artificial Things”. Betraying someone you love has always gotten to me. I guess you could say that with this one, I cried inside. Both of these works continue to haunt me.

Which literary character did you want to take to bed as an 18-year-old?

Dominique Francon in Ayn Rand’s The Fountainhead. She loves Howard Roark passionately but resents the architect’s stubborn integrity and dedication to his craft, his refusal to compromise in order to get ahead. One time she tells him that she will do everything to obstruct and destroy him but that she will still come to his bed like a ”whore”. I thought, Oh, man, I wish she’d come to my bed. A woman like that would burn up my sheets.

Do you sing under the shower? Or to your plants?

Uh, have you heard me sing? I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. Actually, I do sing a little under the shower, perhaps because the close walls make me sound better. As for plants, I’ve never tried that. Some folks say that plants are impressionable and can thrive in an emotionally supportive environment. Come to think of it, I believe I wrote a horror story about that.

Do you like to cook? What is your specialty?

I don’t cook much and don’t excel at it. EXCEPT, I sometimes grill steaks, hamburgers, hot dogs, and chicken on an open grill using charcoal. In particular, I’m very good with steaks and know how to burn them just right. Not too much, not too light. Otherwise, I leave the cooking to my wife.

Do you have a pet?

Not anymore, but we did have two dogs, one after the other. The first was YoYo, a terrier of sorts, a lovable mutt. The second was Tempest, a fluffy and furry black mutt. She used to lick my legs for the salt. Tempest lived to be eighteen years old. Finally, we had to put her down because of her pain. Jane and I held her as she died. It broke my heart.

Later, for nearly a year, we looked after a friend’s dog while she served overseas in the military. Shiloe was a forty-five pound pit bull. At first, this dog gave me a pain but we both grew to love her. Shiloe used to lie next to me in bed while I kissed a certain spot high on her nose. When Jennifer, her owner returned, Shiloe perked right up and shot out the door without even looking back. All our love was forgotten in a heartbeat.

What is the most romantic thing you ever did?

In college I picked some flowers and gave them to a girl. She couldn’t have cared less. Also  in college, I knelt and had a girl get on my shoulders. Then I rose and ran with her across campus while she laughed. I thought that was romantic in a way. Also, I wrote love poetry to her. “In those days, Jane…” No, I won’t go any further except to say we’ve been married now for fifty-three and a half years.

What is the most romantic thing someone did for you?

A few years ago, my wife Jane kidnapped me. It was on our anniversary and she wouldn’t tell me where we were going. I found out it was to a performance at an opera house in Norfolk. While waiting for the opera to begin, lo and behold, our son and his roommate appeared and sat right beside us. They were co-conspirators and in on the plot. All things considered, it was a wonderful, romantic evening. Everyone needs a happy surprise now and then.

The “J” stands for John and Jane.

Do you believe in love?

Oh, yes. Love comes in many forms and varieties, and it’s the most important thing in life. You’ve got to love someone and something, and you’ve got to be loved. You’ve got to feel. This is why the Invasion of the Body Snatchers movies are so terrifying. The thought of becoming completely unemotional and dead inside is chilling. I love my wife and children, my country, and sometimes, obsessively, my writing. I wouldn’t want to give any of it up.

Amazon Author Page: http://www.amazon.com/John-B.-Rosenman/e/B001KMN69E
Website: http://www.johnrosenman.com

John B. Rosenman – After 3500 years, Turtan finally discovers a weapon that can save humanity from vicious aliens, only to be betrayed by a beautiful woman. INSPECTOR OF THE CROSS, #SciFi Action Adventure – Buy at https://amzn.to/2BlE1QS

Author Interview: Brand J. Alexander

Tell us something about your book.

Rise of Tears, book one of the Tears of Hatsunae series, is the beginning of more than just the series. It begins my entire literary universe. The prologue of the book is the literal genesis of my universe and every world that comes after. When I was going through chemo, vowing to fulfill my dream to be a published author, I envisioned the formation of the universe in which everything would take place, and to honor that, I offer it as a story within the story at the beginning of Rise of Tears.

Rise of Tears revolves around the concept of faith, which is partly why I decided to include the genesis of my universe in it. One of the biggest debates within the faiths is how everything began and who did it. I offer that truth right from the beginning. No faith needed.

This series explores numerous versions of faith throughout, faith in the divine even though all the gods are dead, faith in a parent and the vision a child develops of them, and faith in a people’s prowess and reputation. Each of these versions of faith help to move the story along and push the main character, Asahn, to evolve his own concept of faith.

As Asahn comes into manhood as the son of the tribe’s chieftain, he must contend with the history of his people and the expectations of his position. Their world is dying, their people are hunted, and the old tribe storyteller seems to think that Asahn is the only one who can do anything about it. Yet one figure stands in Asahn’s way of doing so, his father. In order to save his people, Asahn will have to challenge the man he thought his father to be, and along the way, he must discover the man he must become for the good of them all.  

Who is the ideal reader for your book?

I like to think my books are for people who pick up a fantasy novel for more than just the specific adventure, but someone who goes to explore a new world, experience new cultures, and discover new fantastical creatures.

I grew up on a steady literary diet of 90s epic fantasy novels. Jordan, Brooks, Eddings. It is the type of fantasy that I enjoy. Sprawling adventures spanning hundreds of pages with in-depth world-building and historical structures that solidify the story.

While I have and do publish a few sleeker, more compact short stories and novellas, my true passion is to write long grand epic fantasy adventures, and my Tears of Hatsunae series is a prime example. If that’s the kind of tale you enjoy, then I hope that I am the author for you.

 

Share the best critique/review of your book.

Epic. Simply epic. Join Asahn in his world of Elerea. Where Gods have been born and died leaving a once Eden-like world barren and hard to live off of. But the Khan Shogal do live off it. Led by Kah Hrah Hazahn and Kah Asahn, they are a nomadic tribe who has roots in ancient history. It’s time for their annual pilgrimage and there is danger afoot. Sycophants and traitors. Loyalists and surprising support. Asahn encounters all of it. Grows and learns. Becomes a man in his own right, not just due to age. The story is like a thief in the night. Comes and takes you away. To Elerea, where you meet the Dulhar and Ailewah and hear of ancient Gods and magic. Ride with the Khan Shogal. Engage in politics and lies. Experience friendship and loyalty that knows no bounds. Encounter things you never thought possible. I’ve only ever wanted to live in one fantasy world. Now I want to live here too. It’s harsh and beautiful and tragic. Some parts bring tears immediately. Some parts make me so mad I want to scream. It’s an emotional journey and so worth the ride.

What inspired you to write it?

A large portion of this story rose from my views on organized religion and how faith can be manipulated in so many ways. Many of us have faith in what we are told to have faith in, and I wanted to explore someone who learns the lessons of faith through trial and error and develops his own system.

What message would you like readers to take away from your book?

I am not really sure if I have an intended lesson. If I were forced to say something, I imagine it would be for people to decide themselves how they use faith in their lives and where they place it, whether it is faith in the people around us or faith in something bigger than us.

But mostly, I want people to enjoy an amazing adventure in a beautiful fantasy world.

Share an excerpt from your book.

This is an excerpt from Chapter 7 of Rise of Tears. The old tribe storyteller Durn is telling the story around the campfire of the tribe’s origins, their homeland, and the gods who once ruled it. This is an excerpt of the story he tells.

“The armies of the Assembly marched unhindered across the High Plains. The great cities of the sky burned. Hatsunae and Vulgoth watched in despair as their realm was laid to waste. But their grief was diminished by dread. Nothing remained to protect their son from destruction.”

“Vulgoth couldn’t bear the pain in his lover’s eyes; her people, her son, her land, were all dying, and she was helpless to prevent it. His devotion to Hatsunae couldn’t allow such tragedy to continue. He embraced his divine love tenderly one last time. As she looked with tearful understanding, he drew the stone heart from his chest and offered it in token to seal his oath of eternal love.”

“Unburdened from love and the fear of losing her that would weaken his resolve, Vulgoth descended from the heavens to meet the host of the Assembly. ‘It’s forbidden,’ the enemy gods decried. ‘The covenant binds you,’ they insisted. But without his heart, the god of stone cared not about repercussions. ‘What punishment does the covenant hold for my transgressions that you don’t offer me already?’ he asked the Assembly. ‘Whether it be death as your blades strike down my faithful or death as my wrath consumes yours, the end is the same. I choose vengeance over surrender. Feel the wrath of stone’s fury!’ He struck the ground with a mighty blow.”

Durn’s next addition sent the flames erupting skyward. The percussion shook the ground and brought outcries of fear. “So fierce was Vulgoth’s blow the very heavens trembled! Sun and stars across the sky flickered with the shockwave. The Highlands groaned in protest as the fury of its maker wrought destruction. The Assembly quickly realized their folly. The land beneath their army’s feet quaked with the force of Vulgoth’s power and split with a deafening crack.”

“The gods of the Assembly watched helplessly as a rift swallowed their forces almost to a man. As the last rumbles faded, Vulgoth looked one final time to his mistress with love and farewell before vanishing into the nether. Having broken the covenant, he was stripped of the very potential that fueled his being and banished from existence.”

“Hatsunae cried out with heartrending loss. Consumed with rage and despair, the goddess of sea and storms lost all substance, reverting to the primal forces of her nature. Winds spurred by her hatred tore across the High Plains in fitful fury. The darkness of her mourning enveloped the sky in a vortex of clouds as black as night. With every scream of tortured agony, the tempest howled in answer with wrenching gusts that pummeled the land in a fierce barrage.”

“The Assembly beheld the display of divine wrath with terror, for within that storm lay the potential for their followers’ demise and in turn their own. A god willing to sacrifice themselves to save mortals was beyond their ability to comprehend. So they fled the Highlands with the remnants of their army.” 

A mild cheer went up at the Assembly’s retreat, but tears in many eyes were a testament to the cost of victory. Durn waited for the fire’s rage to relent, withdrawing the red glare of battle from the faces around him. The flickering calmed to a more natural light. The mood was set.

“Hatsunae, though overcome with grief, controlled her tempest’s fury and avoided breaching the covenant as well. She allowed the enemy to flee unscathed, despite her need to avenge her loss. With Vulgoth gone, her duties to son and people were paramount to vengeance.”

“You see, the paradise of the Highlands was a blending of both their powers. Alone, neither deity could have managed. With the death of Vulgoth, Hatsunae knew the lands would quickly follow. The people would need time to adapt to the changes or be forced to flee the harsh new environment. And her son Gilden wasn’t prepared to face the world beyond the Highlands’ safety. If forced to lead his people into the ravages of the God Wars, the entire purpose of his existence would come to naught. So Hatsunae resolved to expend her divinity like her lost love for the salvation of her world, her people, and her son.”

“She didn’t breach the covenant; however, for that would only waste the essence of her potential. Instead, she directed it to one singular purpose, to slow the decline of the lands and give her people and her son a chance. Suspended within the eye of the tempest and clutching the stone heart of Vulgoth to her chest, the goddess Hatsunae expelled the force of her divinity, and with one final expression of all-consuming grief, she wept.”

“The tears of Hatsunae fell in glistening streams across the lands she and her lover forged. With every drop, her potential infused the Highlands, safeguarding it for a time from the withering that was beyond her power to fully prevent. Some claim a few of those tears were born from more than the watery magic of Hatsunae alone. For her truest tears were infused with the love of the stone lord’s heart and fell in the likeness of both stone and water as sapphires, hard as earth and blue as the deepest oceans.”   

“As the deluge subsided and the roiling clouds dissipated to the four winds, a great absence was felt across the Highlands in the hearts of all its people. Hatsunae and Vulgoth, the creators and defenders of the land, were gone forever, banished through selfless acts of sacrifice in defense of their people. But they left gifts with their passing. With Hatsunae’s final act, she slowed the inevitable death of their world. And in place of the divine couple, a son remained to lead.”

“This brings us to the most important part of the story. For here begins the origins of the Kahn Shogal.”

Did you dare to believe that your book will be published when you started writing?

Yes. I wasn’t sure how it would be published, but I was determined to make sure that it was. I have dreamed of being a writer my entire life. A battle with stage 4 cancer reminded me that my time to achieve that could be limited. I spent my months on chemo, plotting my goal and building myself up to fulfill my dream. Once the cancer was in remission and I had recovered from all the chemo, I sat down at my computer and got to work with the intention that I wasn’t going to stop until I was a published author.  

How many times were you rejected?

I didn’t have any rejections. I chose early on to self-publish. I dreamed for most of my life to be published under one of the big publishing houses of my favorite authors. But by the time I began working towards that goal, I realized that it likely wasn’t the right path for me.

I had specific artistic concepts that I didn’t feel would be accepted well within the traditional publishing community. I also suffer from a disability which makes meeting other people’s goals or expectations more difficult. If I was going to do it, I decided I needed to write what I wanted to write and do so within the limitations of my body in a manner that I could keep up with.

Was the process of looking for an agent/publisher discouraging?

While I didn’t set out to find an agent or publisher, when I first began researching, I confess that I was definitely a bit intimidated. Perhaps that helped make my choice not to go that route easier.

How long did you write the first draft? And how long did the editing and re-editing take?

It took me eight months to write the book that was initially planned to be a single book called Tears of Hatsunae, but it was 474k words. So I split it up into Rise of Tears and Fall of Tears.

Since I was just starting out with publishing, it took me a while to figure out my path and bring it to publishing. I initially paid for someone to edit Rise of Tears. Four hundred dollars and five months later, I was not happy with the results. That slowed me down quite a bit. I spent the next few months deciding my course of action. I began heavily editing and revising it myself.

Over the next year, I refined my novel, proofed it and edited it multiple times, and settled on the decision to self-publish. That following August, on my birthday, I finally did. After having figured out my own process, I did the same thing with Fall of Tears and released it the following April.

Can you share your writing rituals/habits/process?

Once I finish breakfast, I prep my coffee, and I head back into my office to get to work. After a quick scan of all of my social media and promotional mediums, I open up my word document and get to work. I will often write through the afternoon until lunch around 2 or 3. Then I head out for a walk to clear my mind. I may or may not return to writing when I get back.

I am not the kind of writer who writes the first draft straight through to the end. I edit as I write. So my mornings often begin with reading through what I wrote the previous day and revising and editing as I go before I actually begin writing new material.

My brainstorming and story plotting often happens at night. I take my notebooks out to the living room and turn on some fantasy-themed show to create fitting background noise and sketch ideas out and plot my stories. Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter marathons are usually pretty good for that.

Who was your first literary crush?

I really tried to think of one, but I cannot think of a character that I had a crush on from a book. I usually find myself cheering for them to make something work with their love interest or crush. The only thing I can think is that because I sort of live through the characters when I read, that I wish to see them achieve the things they want, not draw them into my own desires.

It is not as if I don’t develop crushes on characters. Just not books, apparently. My number one fictional crush is Sam Winchester from Supernatural. I have a lifesized cardboard cutout of him in my office. I even had a slight video game crush on Tidus from Final Fantasy X. But for the life of me, I cannot think of a book crush.

Did you imagine yourself as an author in your teens?

Always. I won an award for a short story I wrote in 2nd grade, and after that, I knew I wanted to be an author someday. Of course, that was on top of all my other life aspirations. I have been writing my entire life, trying to complete my first novel and embark on this wonderful journey. Unfortunately, I had numerous setbacks.

I have bad luck with computers. I can’t count the number of times I lost work on a novel to a computer dying or file corruption. I even had an ex’s pig eat a word processor that I had three-quarters of a novel on. Each time it happened, it would set me back, and I would give up writing for a while. Add in health issues, and it has been a difficult journey to get here. However, I never stopped wanting it and trying for it.

Once I finished my first novel and proved I could do it, thankfully, it seemed to get a little easier. I have been writing and completing stories ever since.  

What was the first book that made you fall in love with reading?

I can’t think of any single one. I have always been in love with reading. I remember being four years old, sitting on the kitchen counter reading Green Eggs and Ham to my parents. I loved reading. My parents used to take me to the library on the weekends and just drop me off. It wasn’t long before I had read everything in the animal and wildlife section as well as the dinosaur section.

Where the Red Fern Grows may possibly be the first book I ever fell in love with. I read it numerous times when I was younger. But my love for reading was well established even before that.

Did a book ever make you cry? (Which one?)

The first book that I can remember making me cry was Where the Red Fern Grows. I have read it more than once, and every time I still cried. I loved those dogs.

The other book that I remember making me cry was Elfstones of Shannara by Terry Brooks. That was the first fantasy novel to make me cry.  

Which literary character did you want to take to bed as an 18-year-old?

Again, I never really had those kinds of feelings about characters in books. I am not sure why. Because as I noted, I have developed crushes on fictional characters before.

The only character of a book I can think of who I might have these feelings for would be Aust from my own novella series, Guardians of the Tide. Aust is completely inspired by a friend of mine who I have a big crush on. And I definitely think those feelings were expressed in my writing of the character.  

Do you sing under the shower? Or to your plants?

I sing almost everywhere. I wake up most mornings with a song in my head and start singing. I refer to it as a radio station that is constantly playing in my mind. All I have to do is tune in and start singing along with whatever song is playing at the time. Unfortunately, sometimes that station gets stuck on repeat.

Do you like to cook? What is your specialty?

I love cooking. I am the primary cook in my household unless my condition keeps me on the couch, then my husband whips up something. My specialties would likely be Thanksgiving turkey, amazingly moist and flavorful, and my authentic pork tacos, which are to die for.

Do you have a pet?

I have numerous pets. I have a dog named Brody. I had two pooches up until December, when I lost my sweet Duggie. Once I recover from that, I hope to adopt another shelter dog and give him a loving home. I have a Bearded Dragon named Fiona. (Named after the pyro spy from Burn Notice, not the princess from Shrek) A Cockatoo named Jimmy. A Chicken. And I have nine fish tanks.

What is the most romantic thing you ever did?

I don’t make big grand gestures. I tend to do small things to show my love. On an early date with my now-husband, I snuck out of the bar and set up a vase with a dozen roses in his seat, so he would find them when we were leaving. I told him one night when I came home from work that something had followed me home and he should go look. I have a big stuffed zebra (He loves zebras.) sitting on the porch waiting for him. I bought him a porcelain rose for an anniversary and wrote a poem with it about how like this rose, my love for him would never fade or die. I cook him his favorite meals and make him a cake from scratch every birthday. I go out of my way every day to make sure to show him that I love him.

What is the most romantic thing someone did for you?

My husband stayed by my side after I became disabled. Even when I could barely get off the couch or do anything, he was there patiently helping me through it. Our lives dramatically changed, and he could have easily moved on to someone he could have had a fuller life with. But he stayed by me through it all. Then he did it again when I was diagnosed with cancer. Eight months of chemo and all the drugs made me a different person for that time, yet he helped me through it.

If that isn’t a romantic love story, I don’t know what is.

Do you believe in love?

Definitely, I am happily married and have been with my husband for eighteen years this May, married for sixteen in October. I fall in love with him more every day. That love makes both of us stronger and helps us to be our better selves.

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Rise of Tears https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07WL7N4W6

Fall of Tears https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08633S235

Author Interview: Michael Ross

Tell us something about your book.

My Fairy Garden is a book that I had written to help and inspire children, particularly through lockdown. I invited young children to draw me fairies and name them and I put them in my book. I thought I may get 10 tops? In fact I ended up with 72!

Who is the ideal reader for your book?

Everyone. Particularly children but also the teens and parents and Grandparents who love to read fairy stories to their children

What inspired you to write it?

I started to write a series called The Big Fairy Adventures at the start of the Covid lockdown last year. So for the children and myself I built a fairy garden. It became very popular. Then towards the end of the year someone complained to the council that it was ‘Inappropriate?? I was ordered to take it up. They said I need a license to keep it where it was, but even if I did buy one, they still wouldn’t allow it because the rules state no water features (which it has) and no fairies!?? Anyway I am rebuilding it in my front garden. They can’t touch it there and it will be bigger and better than  before.

What message would you like readers to take away from your book?

That there are things in life that are magical. As children, we all loved fairies and fairy stories then, as adults, we grow away from them. The good news is that one day, an adult will be old enough to start reading and enjoying fairy stories again.

Share an excerpt from your book.

It is a known fact that there is evidence

of fairies all around us.

“Where?” you say.

Just watch a large black and yellow striped bumblebee

on a warm sunny day.

Have you ever noticed how it looks a little sluggish?

Have you ever noticed how the bumblebee keeps bumping into things?

Like flowerpots and flowers, but then off

it goes again, in a squiggly line, as if it has

had a little too much nectar?

Ah! That is because fairies are driving them!

They sit on top and nudge the bees with their little knees

in the direction they want to go.

This all helps the young fairies to learn how to control flight.

Did you dare to believe that your book will be published when you started writing?

Oh yes. I am an indie publisher anyway, and have already written 18 books. But this particular book has given more a thrill and satisfaction that any of my previous books

How long did you write the first draft? And how long did the editing and re-editing take?

I am a pantser. I write by the seat of my pants. I rarely write drafts…the stories come out of my head and onto the page. I have some bestsellers, so this works for me. I do have an editor who tells me off all the time, but with this book, because of its simplicity, myself and a program called Grammarly professional  sorted the editing

Can you share your writing rituals/habits/process?

I don’t like anything too structured. If there is a hint of a normal day, I will get up, catch up on emails, have a coffee, go for a power walk then write. I can write for 5 hours or more. I write until something tells me I need to eat, but similarly, there are days I don’t write, I go out for a long walk and breathe in lots of fresh air.

Who was your first literary crush?

It has to be Elizabeth Bennet from Jane Austin’s Pride and Prejudice. Love that book. The power of the English language to convey and whole plethora of emotions. How poor Lizzie struggled to deal with Mr. Darcy and how she couldn’t believe she was falling in love with him.

Did you imagine yourself as an author in your teens?

No. It was only 10 years ago I visited a clairvoyant who suggested I write. So I did, and I haven’t looked back

What was the first book that made you fall in love with reading?

As a school boy, it was all the books, sci fi books by Michael Moorcock. They were not big books but he was prolific.

Did a book ever make you cry? (Which one?)

Sad to say none made me cry, however, some were very emotionally troubling for me, like Mila 18 by Leon Uris. I hate to read about injustices performed by humans on other humans

Which literary character did you want to take to bed as an 18-year-old?

It wasn’t a literary chartacter, it was a film character. The voluptuos Racqel Welsh in ‘One Million Years BC’ OMG! When my teenage hormones were going AWOL, she would have been the one for me.

Do you sing under the shower? Or to your plants?

More like I talk to my plants. I can sing, but the weather has a nasty habit of raining when I do.

Do you like to cook? What is your specialty?

Oh yes, love cooking. I lived in the far north of Nigeria from the age of 1. And there was one dish loved by all ages, it is called Groundnut Stew. A little like an indrian Korma consistancy. It is made wth peanuts and chicken, and served on a bed of rice, with ‘side dishes’ ranging from fried onions, plantains, to orange, tomatoes. Oh heck, my mouth is watering now!

Do you have a pet?

I have two, a Cockapoo called Ruby and a French Bulldog called Bella. I have always had dogs

What is the most romantic thing you ever did?

I had a girlfriend who was staying with me. She had had a horrible stressy day at work. When she arrived home I cooked her a nice meal, then I sneaked upstairs in my house, poured a big hot bath, put essence of lavendar in and literally lit a 100 tlights and placed them everywhere in the bathroom, and told her there was a surprise. When she went in, she went, „Ohhhh! I didn’t see her for a couple of hours!

What is the most romantic thing someone did for you?

I am also a muscian and actor, patrticularly the piano. Played since I was 4. My partner at the time took me away for a weekend break to a lovely hotel. And that night at the evening meal in this ballroom. The curtains of the staGE Part4d and there , with a grand piano, was my hero of classical piano playing, John Lil ( winner of the Tchaikovsky competition)

Do you believe in love?

Yes, of course, and in it’s many forms

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